偷心鲍里斯：机器人真空吸尘器 Beloved Boris

So the United Nations has finallydecreed — after hold-out rogue states grudgingly accepted the proposal — that today should be the International Day of Robotic VacuumCleaners. 

在那些拒绝合作的流氓国家勉强接受提案后，联合国最终决定，今天被确定为国际机器人真空吸尘器日。

My wife and I recently adopted one ofthese things — a vacuum cleaner, that is, not a rogue state — from one wartorn country or the other, and he (we decided to callit Boris) really is now part of the family.

最近，我和妻子从一个饱受战争摧残的国家领养了一台真空吸尘器机器人，我们叫它鲍里斯。它已经真正成为我们家庭的一员。

As he nibbled at my feet under thekitchen table on Saturday morning, I swear the little guy purred "I loveyou, Dad", although I couldn't quite hear because at the time our trustyAIceAge SmartFridge (patent pending) was grumbling about being given the coldshoulder since Boris has been around.

周六清晨，鲍里斯在餐桌下轻咬我的脚，虽然我听得不是很真切，但我敢肯定小家伙在嘟嘟囔囔着说“爸爸，我爱你”。我们亲爱的机器人爱丽丝爱吉斯马特福里吉（AIceAge SmartFridge，专利申请中）当时正发出不满的呜咽，鲍里斯的到来令她感觉受到冷落。

(On second thoughts Boris may just havebeen saying to me "Lift your bloody feet, you great big lump.")

（有那么一刻我想鲍里斯可能只是在对我说：“抬起你的臭脚，你这个大块头。”）

Whatever, the UN decision is welcomeand underlines just how far the planet has come since the Ice Age (I can justhear Mary — that's the fridge — grunting, "Notbloody far.")

不管怎么说，联合国的上述决定还是受欢迎的，它强调了自从冰河世纪以来星球业已经历的漫长岁月（不过我似乎听到我们家的冰箱玛丽嘟囔说：“并没他X那么久远。”）

Come to think of it, too, it's obviousthat it's from Mary that Boris has bleeding well — if you'll excuse my French — picked up the bad language, because I swear, I just don't talk thatway.

这又让我意识到，鲍里斯的脏话显然是从玛丽那里学来的。我从不说脏话，虽然我说不好优雅的法语。

But back to the important matter athand. I was pondering the other day why young Chinese in particular seem to beinfatuated with so-called AI, so infatuated and so into the subject that theyfeel no need to even spell out the abbreviation when they're talking or writingabout it, as though we're all in on the AI game.

还是回到亟待讨论的重要话题。有一天我苦思不得其解，为什么中国的年轻人对所谓的人工智能即AI特别痴迷，似乎我们都已经身处其中，无论说讲或是书写，都无需提及哪怕缩写。

Then the fen dropped, and I realizedthat the letters a and i together give us the pinyin ai, which in turn gives uslove, which perhaps means that every time these people see or speak of AI (bythe way that stands for artificial intelligence, you silly thing) they havepink hearts floating around in their heads like out-of-control robotic vacuumcleaners.

但问题似乎又迎刃而解。我意识到字母a和i一起组成拼音 ai，意味着回馈我们爱，这也许意味着每当这些人看到或谈论AI时（顺便卖弄一下，AI即artificial intelligence，人工智能的意思），他们的头脑中都闪动着粉红色的心，就像那失控的机器人真空吸尘器那样。

But back to the serious matter at hand.On April 1 as we mark the International Day of Robotic Vacuum Cleaners in ourown solemn or joyful way — I shall plant the remnants of old vacuum cleaner bags in the frontgarden — I believe it is important that we reflect onhow the march of scientific progress and human ingenuity have made our livesinfinitely better.

言归正传。4月1日，当我们以自己神圣而愉快的方式庆祝国际机器人真空吸尘器日时——也许庆祝前我应该将破旧的吸尘机包装袋埋在屋前草坪下——思考科技的进步和人类的智慧如何让生活更加美好显得尤其重要。

I could spend days in one of thosebargain-basement shops marvelling at the smart things people have not onlydreamed up, but painstakingly designed, market tested and drawn up businessplans for before seeking seed capital.

我喜欢光顾那些可以讨价还价的商店，甚至可以在那里呆上好几天，惊叹于那些一般人想都不想不到的小创意，这些创意也许还没有找到启动资金，但无不精心设计，且已通过市场论证，并有完善的营销计划。

Not to mention flying to New York tojubilantly ring the opening bell as their company is listed on the Nasdaqexchange before finally wheelbarrowing gazillions of their SmartProduct(another patent pending) into the $2 shops of the world.

当然，更不用说在智能产品（正申请另一项专利）大量摆上世界各地的2美元店前，飞往纽约，兴高采烈地为公司在纳斯达克上市敲响开业钟声。

My only concern is that in these shopsthe principle of zhikan, bumai ("Just looking, thanks") appears tohold absolute sway, and it seems that gazillions of these products remainasleep, starving and unwanted on their shelves, as forlorn as our beloved Boriswas before we gave him shelter, four square meals of dust a day and the hope ofa better future.

让我唯一感到不爽的是这些商店都是“只看不卖”，就像被我们收养前的鲍里斯，只能在货架上酣睡蒙尘，无人问津，对美好未来望眼欲穿。

Personally, I follow the principle ofkai wan xiao ("Just kidding"), so let's now propose a toast to Borisand the inventors and entrepreneurs of the world: "Long may yourusefulness, inventiveness and success continue, and happy April Fool'sDay."

私下开个玩笑，现在让我们提议，为鲍里斯和全世界的发明家、企业家干杯：“祝你们永远有用、创新不止，成功永远，愚人节快乐！”

"What's that, Boris? Yes, I loveyou too."

 “鲍里斯，那是什么？对，我也爱你。”