09（英）What to do when child doesn't listen carefully in class

【提示】

本课程是中英双语授课，您可以点击“专辑--节目”选择中文或英文课程进行收听，英文课程由玛丽·尼尔森本人讲述，对应中文内容是由中国的正面管教导师甄颖完成。谢谢您的订阅，希望您能有所收获。

【音频英文稿】

Hello, Himalaya subscribers. My name is Mary Nelsen, and today we are going to be talking about what to do when your childmoves around too much and doesn't listen carefully to his or her teacher inclass. I can personally relate to this challenge because I went through it withmy first born when he was in kindergarten. He had a difficult time sittingstill and was often getting card changes in class. These were behaviour cards.And green was the best. And everything below green was bad behaviour. Andoftentimes he would get the worst card, which was the red card. And I rememberhow discouraged he felt and how discouraged I felt as a parent, because I feltlike I was failing. I took a lot of what was his normal behaviour of being aboy personally. And feeling discouraged and a little embarrassed in front of the teacher when she would tell me thathe got another red card because he couldn't sit still in class. I use thischallenge as an opportunity to practice what I preach and to use the positive discipline tools that ended up being extremely helpful for not only me and him in thehome, but also for him in the classroom.

And it's important toknow that children are not meant to sit still for hours a day, especially fiveand six year olds. The younger one's need to have the movement, and thatchildren are movement based. So adults’ expectations are sometimes too high orunrealistic. Think about the last time you had a training or had to sit stillfor six hours or even one or two hours, you also start to get restless. And weknow as adults that we need to take care of our bodies so that we might standor we might move around. And we know how to take care of ourselves. So why nottake the opportunity at a young age to teach our children how to take care ofthemselves, to listen to their bodies, listen to their needs, and then fulfilthose needs with some of the different tools that we're gonna talk about today.

When your child ismoving around too much, this can be extremely discouraging to his teacher anddistracting to his classmates and his students. So we can appreciate and validate that what the teacher is feeling is frustration.And what we want to do as a positive discipline parent is focus on solutionsfor how we can change that behaviour, how we can use thatmovement in a positive way, where it's not distracting to his peers or to histeacher.

So it's important toknow your child's personality and what might be realistic for them, and howmuch they need to move. I believe that boys need to move more than girls. Infact, there's research that proves this. And I am finding more and more withthe children that I work with and the parents that I speak to that kidare not getting enough movement outside of the classroom. So if you couldchange the routine a little bit or do a little bit of inventory, check in withyour lifestyle, and how much movement are they getting. If they're not getting involved in sportsor running around outside, going to a park, going for a walk,bouncing the ball, then it's very unnatural for them to then be required to sitstill in a classroom. It's like they can't get their wiggles out, it's primal. It's important part of being a human being.

So you need tosuggest or ask your child what ideas they have fordifferent activities that they could do in the morning before school. If theywant to do jump rope, or they could go for a walk or jog in place. Oftentimes, it's convenient for parents to walk to school, which wouldreally help the child. And once they have that physical activity that will helpthem be more settled in the classroom if they need to sit in their desks still.

You also might wantto check in and see what is their diet? What are they eating before school? Arethey eating sugary foods? Are they eating fast food? These are foods that willeither give them the the energy high, the hyper activity from the sugar ormaybe like a real lethargic mood from the fast food. So feeding your child ahealthy breakfast and offering different movement activitiesbefore school can be extremely helpful. In addition to those, you would alsolike to brainstorm with the teacher and focus on solutions for different waysthat your child can use their energy in a productive, positive way. So to dothis, you would have a parent teacher conference with the child and the studentand the parent and the teacher.

And you can validatewhere the teachers coming from and say that I can imagine how difficult yourjob is teaching thirty plus students and having one that can be extremelydistracted and destructive. So we are here to focus on solutions to help him inclass. And to do that, you'll want to ask your child first, what ideas do theyhave？ For my son，the idea that he cameup with is when he is being restless or bugging his neighbour or being distracted. Then the teacher would use the code word of zep.This is a word that my son came up with five years old. His name is Grayson.And he said during our conference, what if we use the words zep? It'll be a word that only you and I know. And when I hear it, I will siton my hands. This is when they would sit on the carpet and it worked because hecame up with the word. And he it was part of his idea. He was involved in the decision making process in the solution. He followedthrough with it and he created that connection with the teacher as well,because he felt like it was their special thing and very typical.

It lasted for acouple weeks. And then they had to find a new word and a new signal. This is asignal. They did a silent signal where she would touch your nose. And again,this was an idea that he came up with. So when he comes up with it and is inthe brainstorming process, he feels encouraged. He feels supported, and hetherefore is willing to cooperate. Remember the children do better when they feel better and when they're not beinglabelled or criticized for what could be very natural for them as far as therequired movement and activity that they need in their life.

So when we can takethose challenges and focus on the positive, this is gonna help them long term.And it's going to help the teacher as well, because she's gonna invite thatcooperation. If your child is not able to get movement before school, I wouldsuggest or encourage you to look into extracurricular activities or sports thatallow the ability for your child to get their wiggles out to get the movement,and also to give them a good night's rest. I think that's very important forchildren as well.

To get at least I whatever your paediatrician says in the United States,it's ten hours for children ten and under. And ten to twelvehours. And for my middle school son, who's twelve, I think eight to ten. Butmost of the kids that I work with and talk to are not getting enough sleep. I'malso finding that they're distracted and really occupied with screens. They're watching screens either before they go to bed or sometimes in themorning before they go to school and having your brain stimulated with all ofthat action and all that movement is not healthy foryour child's brain to then readjust and have to focus on whatever thelesson is that's being taught that day. Their their brain is more used to theconstant stimulation and that excitement that thrill the adrenaline, the endorphinsthat dopamine is rushing through the brain that when they are getting a moretraditional style of learning, they're not used to absorbing it in a in away that is useful and helpful.

So I hope that youfind the tools of edit. When you are also getting your child involved. If they are focusing onsolutions with the teacher and they don't come up with the idea about standingup and maybe moving quietly around the classroom, you might suggest it. Anotheredit, anothersolution to your child being restless in class would be to invite a movementthat isn't distracted to his peers, you could ask the teacher ifthey would be willing to let your child stand up and walk in the back of theclassroom quietly, maybe pacing, or to do some squats or a couple stretches,something that just moves them from their chair to a standing position, even ifit's just for thirty seconds. Or they might suggest having a quiet space in theroom, a corner that is their own space, where they could then do stretches,even if it's just for less than a minute or two minutes, whatever it is to helpthem reset. And sitting there quietly and focus. It's about really supporting your child andwhat they need. And sometimes it's just to move. And it's not for that long.

They might alsosuggest a fidget toy. There are certain toys that you can get now for childrenthat need to have more activity, more stimulation. And sometimes just playingwith this toy, this fidget gadget in their hand can help their brain focus andtheir eyes focus and their ears focus on the learning and the lesson that's being taught.

I have offered my sona suggestion of counting his fingertips because he could do it in his head andpushing on him. It's something just about moving his fingertips, which helps him refocus on what it is that he needs to be focused on.Again, brainstorming with your child, letting them come up with the ideas. Yourkids have really good ideas. Oftentimes I find that they have better ideas thanthe parents. So getting them involved in the problem solving will encouragethem. And they're gonna feel connected. And that's when the correction is goingto happen, and it's gonna teach them responsibility  and problem solving skills and and many moretools, very very valuable tools and skills that they need to have that theyneed to develop. And why not teach them at a young age?

This is somethingthey can continue to practice throughout their life and throughout their education.So getting him involved focusing on solutions and checking in with yourself asa parent to know what opportunities they have for movement and there for diet,for screen times or limited screen times and bedtime. I hope you find thesetools helpful and that your children will be less wiggly in the classroom. Next week. We are going to be talking aboutwhat to do when your child makes careless mistakes in tests.

Thank you forlistening. And until next time, bye bye.